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Why do I do this to myself??

April 5, 2012

I started off my day great but then allowed myself to go in a complete downward spiral. I feel miser
able and bloated and I’m completely disgusted with myself for eating like a fat girl today.  I can’t even get myself motivated to do a 12 minute workout! I’m not sure how or why I got to this point :/ 


Life these days

April 3, 2012

Sorry I have been a little MIA.  Okay, downright neglectful.  But let me explain.

First of all, having three rugrats all age 5 and under is HARD.  Each child has their unique challenges.  Peter is moody and active and has been trying to get bit by a spider so he can become Spiderman.  For real.

Riley has been my nemesis as of late.  Getting into my makeup, using all of my shampoo, squirting all of my conditioner down the drain, lubing herself up with half a tub of Vasoline, mixing the last of my moisturizer with water and then getting all slicked up with that concoction…and that was just in the past two hours.  I’m having a little adult beverage right now, and yes, I am totally blaming her.

Callen is still waking up every two hours to eat throughout the night.  I’ve tried everything.  I’ve tried loading him up with cereal.  I’ve tried giving him (gasp!) formula.  I’ve tried loading him up with formula and cereal.  Nothing is working.  Throughout the day, he is the most demanding baby I’ve ever had.  And now he’s crawling all over the place and getting into things and he finds every little rock and crumb on the floor and proceeds to put them all into his mouth.  The lack of sleep has really been getting to me.  I’m impatient, irrational, impulsive, and I have almost no motivation left.  Almost.  I still have a love of fitness and eating well in my heart and I am absolutely sick of feeling miserable night after night.  I just have to get the momentum started again.

I’m ashamed to admit I have completely un-done whatever progress I had so far.  I have been letting the stress of the kids get to me too much, and then life has also been downright crazy.

All through February and the beginning part of March, I was nuggling a full-time load of classes.  Then one day in March, life somehow took a complete 180. 

My husband was offered a job.  Not just any job, but THE JOB he has been waiting to get since he was 4 years old.  His dream job. I do not know anyone else who has wanted to do the same thing for so long and I’ve never seen my husband so happy.  He put in his notice at his former job right away, and used up all of his vacation days to finish up things around the house that needed to be done before his big career move. The job is 90 minutes away from where we currently live, so that means a big move!  We currently rent so luckily we don’t have the stress of trying to sell our house but we did decide (along with our bank lol) that we are going to buy a house!  We only looked at four houses in person (but looked online for hours) and we knew almost right away when we found the right one.  I cannot believe we are about to become homeowners. I didn’t see that happening at all two short months ago, but crazy how things can change!  My husband is now in the process of a 13-week grueling training program and after that, we can start our new life together 🙂  So excited for a change! 

So that’s what has been happening, in a nutshell.  I need to get moving again and really work on my eating, as I’ve been turning to food again when I’ve felt stressed or unhappy or happy or excited, and it is really showing on the scale so it’s time to stop it before it gets out of control!  I would like to start posting more again to keep myself accountable.  I’m definitely perfect and I’m not Supermom but there is definitely room for improvement!!  I took a picture with my husband last Thursday–I’d like to see a visible change the next time I take a picture with him, at the end of June! 


February 8, 2012

I’m not sure what’s with me lately, but I’ve just been feeling super un-motivated!  I do not want to clean my house, I do not want to read, I do not want to exercise, I do not want to write, and I do not want to cook!  I’ve been doing it all anyway, but just kind of the bare minimum.  I haven’t been feeling any workouts which is really strange. 

Ever just feel un-motivated out of the blue?

I saw something on the local news tonight that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, which is consistency.  The key to losing weight (or gaining weight) is being consistent.  When I’ve been at my heaviest, it is because I was consistently making BAD choices.  Like eating a lot of junk (frozen pizzas, cookies, chips, fast food) and not being active.  It took a lot of time of being consistently unhealthy to gain all the weight that I did.  On the other hand, when I am consistently eating clean and keeping up with my workouts, I start losing weight and toning up.  There’s not any big fancy program I follow; I just know that all the little choices add up to big changes.  So part of being consistent is working out when I would rather be watching TV or doing housework.  If I do not do a workout every time I don’t feel like it, I will start the weight-gaining cycle allll over again.  If I eat junk food every time I have a craving, I have now moved into the category of making consistently bad choices.  I have gone back and forth so many times now that I just have no desire to head towards self-destruction any more.  I have my off days where I eat pizza and drink a Coke but one or two nights of that a month does not cancel out the rest of my month where I’ve been living a healthy lifestyle.  Just as eating a couple healthy meals a month does not make someone lose weight. 

Moving on,

Every Monday is Library day.  I take the kids to a playgroup at the library and their reward for behaving for that whole hour is getting to pick out their own books. If one of them gets a little too rowdy, then I pick out the books for the week.    Since Peter thinks story-time is the perfect opportunity to demonstrate his ability to fly (read: jump off the top of the elevated seating area and sprint around the aisles of books) he doesn’t always get to pick out what we bring home 🙂  I have been trying to think about books I enjoyed as a child, and each week I have been finding some.  This week I was excited for

Product Image

I so remember reading this book as a kid.  The mild-mannered Miss Nelson, has had enough with her disruptive and disrespectful class and the students get a new teacher, Miss Viola Swamp.  Viola Swamp restores order to the classroom and after the children start to behave, Miss Nelson returns to teach the class of curteous and respectful children.  If only they knew Miss Nelson was just wearing a wig and an ugly black dress 😉

What are some of your favorite books from childhood?







I Didn’t Watch the Superbowl

February 7, 2012

Yes, you read that correctly…no football for this girl.  Football is just one of those things I cannot get into.  I have tried before but I cannot sit still for that long and if I do ever happen to have a few free hours on the weekend, watching anything on TV is never what I end up doing!  My family is all big Chicago fans and we all know how well those teams do every year 😉

Besides not watching the Superbowl, I had a pretty busy weekend!  My husband just sold some car parts on Craigslist, giving us a little extra dough!  Peter was spending the night at my mom’s on Saturday, so we packed up the other two kids and headed to Peoria.  We went to Target, Gordmans, the mall, Kohls, and the new Bass Pro Shop.  Here’s Riley checking out a fish as big as she is!

I was pretty “mehhh” about that whole experience.  I’m not into fishing or hunting so I likened my experience to the one Pete would have if I took him to Sephora or Ulta–totally my thing, but not his. 

I am also so, so, so excited to say, that after 2 years of drooling over this, and thinking about it, and wishing I had a little extra cash, that I finally ordered Lauren Brooks’ Kettlebell Volume One dvd!!  I have heard nothing but totally amazing and awesome things about both Lauren and kettlebells!  It has been a long time since I’ve felt truly excited to try a new fitness venture, and I really cannot wait to get it in the mail.  I bought a 15 lb kettlebell to go with it, just a cheap one from Walmart because I don’t think I will be using the 15 for long 🙂  Good to start a little light though so I can get my form down correctly, which I hear she does a great job doing in the dvd. 

Did I mention that I’m just a little bit excited?!?!  Is there anything you’ve been wanting to buy for a long time?

Other things on my mile-long wish list page include new running shoes, new shoes, accessories, a new blow dryer, new makeup, new clothes, a few hair products, a freezer full of organic hormone-free grassfed beef, a food processor, and a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, the holy grail of all mixers.  I need a new occupation, you know, like one that actually makes money! 😉



Progress Pics #2

February 2, 2012

I’ve done half of the embarrassing part–taking the pics.  Now for the other half, to share them.  I measured this morning and I finally lost an inch from the damn “spare tire” area that has not budged at all since October.  One inch gone, 10 more to go.  I have always felt strange about the way I’m proportioned.  I am definitely the opposite of an hour-glass figure.  I lose inches first from the places most females do not want to lose them from–boobs and ass.  Always, always.  I end up slimming down from the outside in.  I have an eternal muffin top, never once experiencing the “gap” at the waist in my pants I hear so many complain about.  I always have pants that look loose and baggy throughout my hips and thighs because I have to buy them to fit my bulging waistline.  So, here are my measurements.

                                                   January 1                          February 1        

across the girls                              41                                       39

under the girls                             35.5                                    34

smallest part of waist                 36                                      33

biggest part of waist                   42                                      41

hips                                                   43                                      41                             

thighs                                               25.5                                 25

weight                                              185                                   179

So, according to the tape, there’s definitely some progress.  I do, however, have areas where I can really improve.  There have been days where I was just not feeling a workout, and I didn’t do one.  At the time it felt okay, but I always end up feeling guilty and flabby afterward, usually all day the next day.  So I’ve come to the conclusion that if something is important to me, I always end up getting it done.  Exercise is something important to me and it is worth getting less sleep or doing less housework in order to fit it in.  Also, I’ve been tracking eveyrthing I eat on myfitnesspal on my phone.  Every single day I eat WAY over my sugar allotment.  I am still within my caloric range or below, so for now I am still losing weight, but as I get closer to my goal I know this will be a huge problem if I do not make any changes.  And I absolutely, positively, cannot cannot cannot have ice cream or cookies in the house.  No, no no!!  I have zero self-control when it comes to those things.  And despite what my inner voice may tell me, all those bites of ice cream I snag when I come through the kitchen DO count, even when I eat them standing up and even when I don’t even bother using a spoon.  Hehe.  Okay, here’s the pictures with a comparison of last month.  This month is on the left, with January’s pic on the right.  Sometimes I need to see the side-by-side to notice any difference, especially now when I still have sooo much weight to lose and it just kind of comes off little by little from all over.  I’m not expecting a huge difference til I start comparing January to March or April.  But I am proud that I am starting to look slightly less like a stuffed sausage in this outfit 🙂





















Food Prep

January 30, 2012

Why is it that every Sunday night I am wishing that weekends were three days instead of two?  I feel like I need one more day!  Anyhow, this has been a really productive and busy past couple of days! 

On Saturday, the little man took two long naps!  I’ve been waiting for the day when it would happen.  Up til now, he’s been a 5-minute cat-napper every day, which has not left me with a whole lot of free time!  (not that I mind this little face!)

I managed to get my house all picked up, do a 60-minute strength-training workout, fold and put away 3 loads of laundry, pack my husband’s lunch and prep some food for the week!  Since we do all of our meals at home and my husband takes his lunch to work every night, having things ready to go is a big help all week. 


It’s always easiest to eat whatever is the quickest thing to grab, so I try to have some healthy options available.  Baked chicken is so versatile!  I like to eat it plain, as part of a meal, in buffalo chicken grilled cheese,  in chicken tacos and quesadillas, in skillet meals, in casseroles, and cut up for salads. 

My husband works nights and does full-time school, so he’s a busy guy, and being the good little wifey I am, I pack him his lunch every night.  If I didn’t, I’m sure he would be eating peanut butter and jelly or frozen dinners every night.  He’s not a tiny person and he is at work for 12 hours so I have to make sure I can get him enough food!  I also like to give him things a bit healthier than your standard sandwich + chips combo.

 Romaine lettuce with 2 hard-boiled eggs and a cut-up chicken breast

 parfait with yogurt, frozen fruit, and nuts.  I saved the jar from my almond butter!  Both took less than 1 minute each to make, and do not require any reheating.  He also got some pulled pork. 

I hard-cooked about a dozen eggs for his lunches this week.  I love eggs, but I’ve never cared for them cooked this way, so until he mentioned that he liked them, I never made them.  Last time he said they didn’t peel very well so this time I tried a new technique…still waiting for the verdict!  Do you have any tricks for making perfect hard boiled eggs?

Busy day tomorrow with school+groceries+library!  Off to bed I go!


A little before and after

January 28, 2012
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Happy Friday 🙂

Today, it was time to end the cycle of frump and put an end to the forest of eyebrows I was growing

‘Scuse the crazy hair.  And no makeup. I had enough time this morning to squeeze in a quick 20 minute workout and take a really, really, fast shower before my noon-thirty hair extraction. 

Then, sometime this afternoon, I made myself a little more decent before visiting my grandma.

Much better, no?

I try and visit with my grandma at least once a week.  My grandpa just passed away this past October and she’s not the alone-type; she’s very outgoing and sociable!  So me and the kiddos go over for some entertainment.

Speaking of entertainment, Oh Peter…

That kid is just packed with imagination and personality.  Since he is going to grow up to become a superhero and save the world, he has to start getting in shape now.  He does pushups (better than me!) and his own version of pull-ups every day and tonight he begged me to let him watch one of the on-demand workouts so he could exercise before bed.  How could I say no?  So, equipped with a can of sauce and a jar of peanut butter, he had himself a nice little workout.

Have a nice weekend!