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Instant Gratification

January 19, 2012


I thought I’d make a quick post before I pass out for the night.  Callen was up at 4:30 this morning and incidentally, so was I!  I don’t think I’ve gotten up that early in 10 years, when I worked a 6-2 shift.  I”m a little surprised I didn’t crash mid-day.

I can’t believe January is more than half over.  This is usually the time of month when I lose steam with my eating and my workouts.  I let one bad choice lead to another, and quickly undo 3 weeks of hard work with one really bad week.  It always starts when I see that I have lost X amount of weight or inches and I think I can go into maintenance mode instead of continuing to lose.  I think my scale breaking (apparently having kids jump on and off of it can lead to this..) might be the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I used to be a compulsive weigher.  I’d do my morning weight, stark naked after going to the bathroom, as the one that “counted.”  Then I’d weigh myself randomly throughout the day.  I’d weigh before and after workouts, expecting a change to occur right away.  Run 10 miles?  I must have lost 2 pounds today! 

Obviously this kind of behavior is not healthy.  It’s really hard to stop a compulsion until you no longer have access to it.  Like my Facebook addiction on my phone…it’s really out of hand sometimes.  Just checking it every 5 minutes, whenever I get two free seconds.  If I can’t do it I feel restless and anxious and I really think I have lost my ability to just sit back and relax.  I must be doing as many things at once as possible to feel stimulated.  But I digress, it was definitely a problem I had with the scale.  I’d get frustrated when I didn’t lose 5 lbs after a week of hard workouts and get discouraged.  I’d measure myself once a week and not see any changes.  I’d feel like a failure. 

I think it took me til now, at age 27, to realize that the numbers aren’t indicative of all areas of progress and should not be measured very often.  At least for me and my sanity. I’ve gone from barely being able to do 5 girlie push-ups to being able to do 80 or more throughout the day and not feel very sore the next day, just tighter.  My core is regaining its strength after being stretched out for the third time.  I’m seeing muscle tone and definition in my legs again.  My pants are now loose enough to pull of without unbuttoning them.  The very same pants that I could not even get to button four months ago.  I may still be about 40 lbs from where I’d like to be, but hey, I’m pretty sure 10 lbs of that is in the girls 😉 

I’m really proud of myself so far this month.  I use the myfitnesspal app on my phone and log everything I eat and all of my workouts.  Based on my height and weight, I need around 2300 calories a day to maintain my weight.  When I put in that I wanted to lose 2 lbs a week, it lowered my calories to 1300.  1300 is the net amount, so if I do a hard run that burns 700 cal, I eat 700 more calories in the day, and I give myself 400 per day to keep up with my milk supply.  Since December 5, I’ve lost 2 inches from my bra line, 2 inches from the smallest part of my waist, 2 inches from my hips, and a half an inch from each thigh, and I’ve had no problems with the little guy getting enough to eat so I’d call it a success.  I don’t really care what the scale says and it is so sad to me to see other women beat themselves up for that number, or get really excited for a big number one week and feel like a fatass after a small loss the next.  I feel like everyone needs to experience the clarity I feel without having a scale in the house.  I no longer obsess over that number and I can really concentrate on the subtle nuances I feel without ever second-guessing myself.  Instant gratification isn’t ever going to be my reality, but a couple inches a month sure can be if I stay consistent.

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